Faithfully
by SparkELee
Summary: Sequel to AGAINST ALL ODDS! Set 5 years in the future. They're back in Seattle. But life isn't always what it appears to be. The real question is, is love enough? COMPLETE
1. Welcome To My Life

OK OK, so I'm going to be updating EVERYTHING between now and the tomorrow! Happy? OK so more good news! I've

decided, since everyone seemed to enjoy "Against All Odds" I'm doing a sequel! Set 5 years in the future. I'm taking a slightly

different approach to this. Meredith and Derek aren't married….. yet. They moved back to Seattle shortly after his arrival. Her

mother, having a lucid moment, decided she wanted out of the program and wanted to return to Seattle with them. Read and see.

Faithfully

Chapter 1: We Are Family

Meredith woke up to insistent little hands. "Emery. Please let mommy sleep." She begged her 4 year old daughter.

"Delaney pooped." The child informed her mother. Meredith groaned and gently nudged her fiancé, hoping he'd get the idea.

"Don't even think about it Mere. I have surgery in 2 hours." Derek mumbled as he turned his back to her, his voice husky with

sleep.

"Yeah, well, your son's been sitting on my bladder for the last 5 hours." She shot back. The lump next to her shifted, sighed, sat up

and swung his legs over the bed.

"C'mon Em, let's go see your sister." Derek grumbled as he padded out of the room, his blonde haired, blue eyed daughter close \

behind.

Meredith laid in bed for another 10 minutes before heaving herself to her feet. 7 months pregnant in the middle of July. She'd kill him

for his timing. She plodded to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

Derek finished cleaning up his 2 year old daughter and expertly attached a fresh diaper to her tiny little behind. "There you go

princess. Better now?" He asked as he handed Emery the dirty diaper. The older child pinched her nose with one hand and dropped

the soiled diaper expertly into the Diaper Genie in the corner. "Thanks baby." He said, ruffling her shaggy blonde hair.

Meredith stepped out of the shower and toweled off. She ran a comb through her wet blonde hair before stepping into loose fitting

knee length capris and a maternity tank top. She headed down the hall to the kitchen. She found Derek in there, situating the girls in

their seats. "I've got it. Go take your shower. You have surgery in 2 hours." She said playfully. He smiled, kissed his girls and

headed upstairs.

WELL! What do you think? REVIEW


	2. We Are Family

Faithfully

Chapter 2: We Are Family

Meredith finished feeding the girls and got them occupied in their playroom. She leaned against the door frame,

watching her girls play, marveling at the miniature people she'd brought into the world.

Emery was definitely her mother's daughter. She had her mom's facial features, her dirty blonde hair, and

definitely had her mother's attitude. Delaney on the other hand, was obviously her father's child. Dark curly

brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and she was already developing her father's stubborn personality.

She was so caught up in her daughters that she didn't realize Derek was behind her until he slipped his arms

around her, resting them on her pregnant stomach. He leaned in to her, breathing in her scent. "Hey beautiful."

He whispered, pressing a kiss to her ear.

The small gesture sent shivers down her spine. He rested his hands on top of hers, the fingers on his left hand

fiddling with engagement ring sitting there.

Meredith reflected briefly on their unexpectedly long engagement. They'd come back from New York intending

to get married in a year's time. Meredith got pregnant instead and opted to wait until after the birth of Emery to

get married. Well, no sooner had she had the baby, gotten back into shape and started planning again, she got

pregnant with Delaney. _"I don't want to be pregnant when I get married Derek. I hate that. I don't want a _

_maternity wedding dress." She told him. _That was 3 years ago. This pregnancy, well they called it their

celebration pregnancy. He'd gotten Chief of Surgery and they'd celebrated without a condom. Now their son

was on the way and Derek had put his foot down. "_After you have this baby and do what you feel you have _

_to do, we're getting married. I don't care if it means no sex until then."_ He'd warned her. She agreed. She

wanted his last name as much as he wanted to give it to her.

He pressed a kiss to her ear. "You are, without a doubt, the hottest pregnant woman I've ever seen." He

whispered softly. His voice sent tingles down her spine. But then, he'd always done that. She raised her

eyebrows as she turned back to him, preparing a witty comeback, but his mouth pressing against hers stopped

her cold. He pulled back after a moment.

"I have surgery." He said, the words coming out as a soft sigh as he rubbed his hands up and down her slender

arms.

"You have surgery." She echoed in agreement, her voice as wistful as his.

"You have your appointment at 4 right?" He asked. She nodded. "I'll be there." He told her. He stepped into

the room with his girls.

"Ladies, I have to go." He said, kneeling down to kiss them. Emery rushed her dad, wrapping her arms around

him.

"Bye daddy." She said softly. Meredith smiled at her oldest daughter's actions. That little girl was as much in

love with her father as a child could be.

Delaney squealed as her father scooped her up in his arms and planted a kiss on her belly. He rewarded her with

a big grin and brought her down to his chest, turning to Meredith as he bounced his young daughter gently.

"Your shift starts at 10 am?" He questioned.

"Yeah. 10 to 3:45. Bailey's got me on the short shifts from now til the little guy's born." She replied, rubbing her

hands over her large stomach.

"And for good reason. You remember what happened with Emery." He reminded her as he set Delaney down.

Meredith nodded. She'd been 7 months pregnant with Emery, working a 24 hour shift when she collapsed 6

hours into it. After that, Bailey had stuck her on shifts lasting no longer than 6 hours.

He came up to her, his scent invading her nostrils. "I'll see you soon." He murmured, his lips against her ear. She

smiled against his cheek. He drew back enough to look into her eyes. He was met with a combination of lust and

desire. "God I love what pregnancy hormones do to you." He muttered, kissing her soundly on the lips.

"Be grateful the kids are here." She whispered quietly as he pulled back.

"Grateful isn't the word I would use." He shot back as he moved around her, running his hand along her ass as

he went by.

OK, SO THERE IS IT! REVIEW!


	3. That's Where It Is

Faithfully

Chapter 3: That's Where It Is

Meredith resumed her morning activities after Derek headed off to the hospital. She got the girls dressed and packed diaper bags for their day at SGH daycare.

By 9:30 am they were packed into the car and on the road. She pulled up to SGH maternity parking and began unloading. "Can I help?" A voice called to her. A voice she hadn't heard in a long time.

Addison Montgomery-Sloan stood 10 feet away from her. Meredith froze in place. "Mommy?" A small voice called out. Emery. Meredith yanked herself out of her reverie and turned to her daughter.

"Sorry baby." She muttered as she quickly released her daughter from the safety seat she was buckled in and lowered her to the ground before reaching back in and pulling Delaney out.

"Your girls are beautiful." Addison stated. It was a compliment, yet there was absolutely no emotion in her voice. "And you're expecting another." She continued, spying Meredith's stomach.

"Thank you, and yes I am. This little one here is Delaney and this is her big sister Emery. Girls, this is Addison." She introduced.

Addison bent down to say hi to Emery and Delaney. "Hi. You can call me Addy." She told the little girl. Emery smiled shyly at the older woman. She turned to the younger child, getting her first good look at the child. _Well, there's no denying whose daughter this is. She looks just like him…_ Delaney peered up at Addison through her dark girls, her big blue eyes wide with curiosity. "You look just like your daddy." She whispered quietly, hoping the observation didn't reach Meredith's ears.

"Wed." Delaney sputtered out as she reached a clenched fist towards Addison's hair. Addison found herself laughing, despite the awkwardness of the situation.

"Sorry." Meredith muttered as she guided her young daughter's hand away from Addison's hair.

"Sweetheart?" A voice called out. Both women turned to the voice. Mark Sloan. Carrying a young boy with reddish brown hair and deep brown eyes. "Hi." Mark said, unsure of the status of the situation.

"This is my son Aidan." Addison said, taking her son from Mark and putting him down to meet the girls. "Aidan, this is Emery and Delaney." She whispered to her son.

Meredith stood awkwardly, her purse and diaper bag thrown over her shoulder. She wasn't really sure what she was supposed to say or do.

"So what brings you guys to Seattle?" She asked after a moment.

"Consult for me. Vacation for her. Sure you don't need help?" Mark answered, ending his statement with a question. Both Meredith and Addison silently thanked him for answering.

"Great, good luck. But we're OK I can manage, but we do have to get inside. I have a shift to get to." She told them. They nodded. "C'mon girls." She called as she gathered the remaining things from her car as the Sloans moved towards the hospital. She watched as Aidan held his father's right hand and as Mark wrapped his left arm around Addison. Addison leaned into her husband, wrapping her right around him. They looked content... Good for them. They deserved it. She was genuinely happy for them. Derek, however, was going to be a different story.

She hustled the girls inside and onto the elevator and ran into Izzie and her 5 month old David. "Hi Iz. Hey there David." She cooed at her godson.

"Hey Mere. How're my girls?" She asked the girls as she shifted her son. They answered and promptly started begging to see David. She stooped to let them kiss him while talking to Meredith.

"So she just approached you in the parking lot? Seriously?" Izzie asked as they stepped off the elevator and started for the nursery.

"Yep. Like we were friends. I met her son." She informed Izzie, shooting her a sidelong glance, gauging the blonde's reaction.

"Wonder if Derek knows." Izzie muttered, absently patting David on the back.

"Wonder if Derek knows what?" Cristina piped up as she fell into step, her 4 year old son Jake galloping alongside her. She stopped short when Meredith and Izzie stopped. "What?" She asked them.

She followed their gaze to her hands. "What did you do?" Meredith asked, gesturing to Cristina's son.

"Dropping Jake off at daycare…." Cristina said slowly.

"Cristina, Jake is still in his pajamas. And he has cereal all over his face. And he's wearing cowboy boots." Izzie told her, speaking as though she were talking to a 5 year old.

"Burke had an early surgery. He said I have to take care of him. You know I'm bad at the morning stuff. Burke normally does it." She said defensively.

Leave it to Cristina to attempt to bring her child to daycare in pajamas and cowboy boots.

"Speaking of Burke and Derek." Izzie muttered, nodding her head at two of the three men, Alex being the third, coming their way.

"He's gonna kill me." Cristina mumbled, finally realizing that her husband wasn't going to be thrilled with her.

"There's my boy!-Cristina, why's he in his pajamas? And his boots?" Burke demanded, swinging his son into his arms.

"I told you I don't do mornings." She shot back. He rolled his eyes.

"You're lucky daddy figured this might happen." Burke said, speaking directly to his son as he pulled a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of his shoulder bag and sat the boy down on a bench, quickly changing him, Cristina hovering, listening to Burke go over the morning routine again.

Meredith stood back and watched as her two best friends interacted with their significant others, marveling at the differences.

She watched as Burke put a hand on her hip, stopping Cristina's angst ridden pacing. She stopped, covering his hand with hers. She sat down behind him after a moment, her hand resting on his back. It was a minimal sort of gesture, but so was his. They were minimalists, never too affectionate in public, but they still found their ways.

Alex and Izzie were totally different. They were all about passion. Meredith watched as he strode up to his wife, cupping her neck with his hand, pressing a heart stopping kiss to her lips before rescuing his son from his mother's clutches. "Hey big guy." He mumbled, kissing his cheek as Izzie handed him the baby bag.

"I have surgery. See you later sweetie." Izzie said, kissing Alex and the baby before getting on the elevator.

Derek had been finishing a conversation on his cell as he strode up to her and scooped up Delaney and removed the bags from Meredith's shoulder. "Didn't we have a conversation about you carrying all this stuff around when you're this pregnant?" He reminded her as he pressed a kiss to her temple. Her and Derek, they were simple, uncomplicated, unaffected. No secrets, no hidden thoughts, always honest, always open.

Meredith drew in a deep breath. _Now or never Mere. Better that he hears it from you._ She followed him as they walked slowly towards the nursery. "Well, someone did offer to help me in the parking lot. But I said no." She told him.

"Why?" He asked as he straightened Delaney's shirt and dabbed her mouth. She was silent. He turned his blue eyes to hers.

"Because the offer came from Mark and Addison Sloan." She replied at last. She waited, unsure of what would happen next. He reached down and grabbed her hand, and squeezed.

REVIEWS!

This story isn't intended to be full of angst, but it's not going to be all fluff either. Just trying to paint a realistic picture, just trying to show that each couple is different, each person is different, and ultimately, each situation is different.


	4. Tainted Love

YOU GUYS FREAKIN' RULE! YOU MAKE ME WRITE THAT MUCH FASTER!

Faithfully

Chapter 4: Tainted Love

Truth be told, he had expected anything other that what came out of her mouth. He knew what Addison represented to Meredith. She was his past. A big part of it. An 11 year chunk of it to be exact. He knew Meredith always felt inadequate when it came to his ex-wife. Hence the reason for him taking hold of her hand.

"Did they say why they were here?" He asked, keeping his tone even. He didn't have a beef with his ex-wife anymore. It had taken awhile, but they managed OK now. Not that they spoke on a regular basis, but on the occasions that they did, they were civil.

"Um, Mark's in town for a consult and brought the family along." Meredith supplied as they entered the day care.

They quickly checked the girls in and dropped off their bags. He reclaimed her hand once they'd said their goodbyes and made their exit.

"Family?" Derek questioned, furrowing his brow as he pushed the 'up' button for the elevator.

"They have a son. Aidan. He's 2 I think." She explained as she attempted to cross her arms in front of her, a normal gesture for her, but nearly impossible with her protruding stomach.

The elevator dinged and they entered the empty car. "Mere. They're married. They have a child. You have nothing to worry about… Except maybe me… But that's not til later, when we're alone…" He teased, hoping to at least get a smile out of her. It worked, she allowed the corners of her mouth to reluctantly rise.

"Oh don't act like you aren't in the mood. Those hormones of yours are fantastic. If you aren't careful, there're going to be a whole lot more of these running around." He whispered in her ear as he backed her up against the wall of the elevator, one of his hands passing over her stomach.

"Honestly Derek, how you find this attractive, I don't know…." She replied before he pressed his lips to her ear.

"I find you VERY attractive. I find the fact that you've carried my kids attractive. I find the way you walk when you're pregnant attractive…. The total package, just amazing." He told her before covering her lips with his.

They were both so preoccupied with the kiss that they didn't even hear Burke and Cristina get on until Burke lightly cleared his throat and they jumped apart.

"Still going at it in elevators huh? Some things never change." Cristina teased with a small grin on her face. Preston stood next to her, his arms folded in front of him, a small smile pulling at his lips.

"I hear that's how Delaney was conceived." Burke stage whispered to Cristina who rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Shut up. You're just mad cause you guys broke the hand rails when you tried it." Meredith shot back, raising her eyes to her fiance's, who caught her gaze and winked as he reached over and gave her ass a quick squeeze.

Meredith couldn't keep the grin off her face. She hadn't expected the answer she'd gotten. _Maybe I should have... I should give him a little bit more credit._

Derek prepared to step off the elevator at the 5th floor. "4?" He questioned, referring to her appointment. She nodded. He leaned over, brushing a quick kiss to her lips, running his hand over her stomach like he always did when he said goodbye.

He stepped off and the elevator doors slid shut behind him. As soon as they closed, the smile on his face disappeared. He hated that he'd lied to her. He hadn't meant to. But seeing her face, seeing her concern, he couldn't bring himself to break her heart by telling her he knew they were coming. So instead, he'd played along, and rather convincingly at that. _Great, you're not even married and you're already thisclose to ruining everything. But if I tell her… She'll never forgive me… She's not stupid Derek. Do not mess this up. You lose her, you lose it all. Your kids, your respect, your life._

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Didn't tell her did you?" A female voice questioned. That voice used to send shivers down his spine. Now it was a constant reminder of his past, of New York, of a time when Meredith didn't exist. Sometimes, that voice was comforting, friendly. Other times, angry and frustrating. But that was his ex-wife.

He answered her question with a mere shake of his head. She sighed, a hand perched on her hip. He quickly sent a gaze up and down her. She looked good for her age. He'd gotten used to being around younger women, it was Meredith's fault really. "You were supposed to tell her. That was the whole reason I told you." She protested, arching an eyebrow at him.

"I know. Believe me, I know." He told her, raising his eyes to the ceiling as he headed to his office.

"Then why didn't you?" She challenged, her voice full of confusion and frustration. She obviously wanted no part in all this.

"It would kill her. I love her Addison. She's my world. Those kids, they're everything to me. I may not have all the answers, and I certainly don't know it all, but I do know that I'll do whatever it takes to keep her with me." He told Addison quietly.

Addison processed what she'd just heard. Then something dawned on her. "She doesn't even know we still talk, does she? I mean, if she did, you'd have told her I was coming and you wouldn't be so worried about her getting upset…" Addison said, awe at the situation creeping into her voice.

"No, she doesn't." He answered simply. Addison nodded, not saying anything. She was married to the man for 11 years. She knew when to shut up.

"Does Mark know we talk?" He challenged, raising his eyes to hers at last.

Addison gulped. "Touche." She admitted, her eyes downcast.

"Somehow, I don't think this is good…." He muttered as he collapsed into his desk chair.

REVIEW!

See I told you it wouldn't all be fluff!


	5. Bad Day

Thank you guys for all the kind words!

Getting a little angsty now…

Faithfully

Chapter 5: Bad Day

Addison and Derek sat across from each other, watching the other one think. They both knew the error of their ways. And truthfully, nothing beyond a few friendly conversations had happened. It had started out as settling out the divorce and had carried over into a very unexpected friendship. Neither had planned it, it just happened. But it wasn't the friendship that made it wrong. It was their individual decisions to keep the new found friendship to themselves that was wrong. They both had the same motive for keeping it silent too. They knew what would happen if their significant others found out.

"We'll deal with it later. For now, let's keep it quiet. She doesn't really need this sort of information right now and I'm sure it wouldn't bode well with Mark." Derek pointed out after a moment, trying his best to keep the disgust for his former best friend out of his voice.

She could do nothing else but nod her agreement, even though she didn't feel it was the best course of action, she knew the consequences if they came forward now. It left them with no other choice, not if they wanted to keep their families intact.

She stood to leave and he rose to his feet as well. He opened the office door, allowing her to go first, then he followed after her. He glanced around, his blue eyes full of uneasiness. He knew the hospital was a veritable rumor mill and he knew prying eyes would soon become whispered words. Thankfully, his office was situated off the beaten path and there was no one in sight. He sighed his relief and continued about his day.

He spent most of his day pondering the situation and trying to calm his guilty conscious. Meredith wouldn't have liked his continued conversations with Addison, in fact, she would have down right hated them and probably would have demanded that they stop. Truthfully? He'd known all along she'd feel like that, and that was reason enough that the conversations should have never progressed past divorce talk.

Meredith's day sped by and before she knew it, it was 3:30. She strode slowly towards the locker room to change for her appointment. 15 minutes later, she was dressed in her street clothes and waiting for Derek.

3:46. Meredith glanced at her watch, and her eyes scanned the halls, hoping to catch sight of her handsome fiance. _Where are you Derek?_

3:55. She rocked back and forth on her heels, her arms crossed in front of her.

3:57. "Screw it." She muttered, angrily jabbing the 'up' arrow on the elevator, stepping in to an already crowded car full of patients and visitors a moment later. There were a couple stops before her floor. Two young nurses got on, oblivious to Meredith. She recognized the blonde as the new girl, Carrie. The brunette, Liz, had been there for awhile.

"Who was that woman in Dr. Shepherd's office? They were in there a long time." Carried asked. Meredith's ears perked at the mention of Derek's name.

"Addison Montgomery-Sloan. His ex-wife." Liz answered.

"Wow…. There were in there for like, half an hour." Carrie remarked.

"Really? Wonder what that was all about…" Liz pondered aloud.

"I bet his wife wouldn't like it." Carrie pointed out after a moment.

"You mean fiancé. They aren't married." Liz said, a teasing undertone to her voice. Meredith was beginning to boil over.

"Wait. They have two kids and one on the way and they aren't married?" Carrie asked, her voice filled with shock.

"Nope. Maybe that's why Addison's back… Maybe she wants him back. Maybe he asked her to come, since Meredith won't marry him…" Liz mused as they got off at the floor before hers.

She stepped off at her floor, furiously wiping at tears of both anger and sadness. _This can't be happening… I love him… He loves me, right?_

Derek sat at his desk facing the window, his eyes trained on the horizon. He rubbed his hand over his chin, his mind a million miles away. He glanced towards his computer, his heart leaping into his throat when his eyes landed on the clock bouncing around his computer, serving as his screensaver. 5:23. "Damn it!" He exclaimed, jumping up and racing to the door, grabbing his coat and briefcase, jamming his papers into it.

He ran to the elevator, furiously jamming his finger into the 'up' arrow, as if it would bring the car faster. He stepped on a moment later, pressing the floor for Meredith's doctor.

He stepped off the elevator, glancing at his watch as he started to move for her office. 5:41. _Damn it, damn it, damn it._ He mentally chided himself as he reached the office. "She left half hour ago." A nurse said as he turned the knob.

His head dropped and he knew he was in deep trouble. He turned and headed back downstairs and out to his car. The drive home was quiet as he thought of the repercussions that were going to hit once he got home.

He pulled up to their house twenty minutes later, parking in the driveway, he shut off the engine and grabbed his briefcase before heading inside.

He heard the girls in the living room before he saw them. "IT'S MINE!" Emery shrieked, her voice shrill with anger.

He entered the living room, setting his briefcase down on the desk before sweeping in just as his 4 year old raised her hand to hit her younger sister. "Emery Christina Shepherd!" He said, his voice sharp and raised. His daughter's eyes darted to her father and where most children would shrink and begin to apologize, she crossed her arms and stared. He held her gaze, his eyes staring into ones identical to his own.

"We do NOT hit." He told her. She said nothing, just stood and stared defiantly at her father. "Go to your room NOW." He continued, pointing to her room. She stood there, unmoving.

"NO." Came her response finally.

"THAT IS IT YOUNG LADY! YOU DO NOT TELL ME NO! GET UP TO YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!" He yelled. Only then did the indignant and stubborn child run to her room, slamming the door on her way in.

He scooped Delaney into his arms before heading to the kitchen, only to run right into Meredith. Her eyes were hard with anger. "You didn't have to yell like that." She snapped, removing Delaney from her father's arms. He knew better than to speak about it until Delaney was out of earshot. Meredith didn't like the kids to hear them bicker. She took the child to the playroom, Derek trailing behind. She set Delaney in the playpen, cooing softly to her daughter as she loaded it up with a few toys before heading back to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry." He said. She turned to look at him.

"So this is a vicious little circle you've gotten yourself into." She snapped, one hand on her stomach, the other resting on the counter.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.

"You're the one recycling your ex-wife, you tell me." She spit, eyes narrowing at him.

_She knows…._

Well? What do you think? Working on the next chapter already!


	6. Strong Enough

I know it's short but I didn't want to drag out a chapter like this.

DUN DUN DUN!

Faithfully

Chapter 6: Strong Enough

"What…?" He asked at last, unable to come up with something more intelligent.

She rolled her eyes and turned away. "If you're going to sit there and lie and act like you don't know what I'm talking about, you can sleep on the couch tonight." She told him, busying herself with dinner.

_She knows… Dear Christ.._ He fished around in his mind, desperately searching for a reason, an excuse, an explanation, something.

"I-" He started, but he didn't get too far, she cut him off as she wheeled around to face him.

"How long?" She demanded, her voice steady but quiet.

"How long?" He repeated, unsure of what she was asking.

"How long has this little 'fling' or whatever it is, been going on?" She clarified.

He was horrified. "Meredith, there is NOTHING like that going on between Addison and me." He told her, the tone in his voice pleading for her to believe him.

"Nothing like that is going on? Then why was she in your office for over half an hour today? Did you know she was coming here? Do you guys talk now?" She questioned, firing question after question at her fiancé, not bothering to wait for him to answer.

_Tell her. Just come clean and tell her the truth._ "I'm being honest. We aren't… together or anything like that. She's happy with Mark. I did know she was coming. I knew because we are friends. We've been talking since the divorce was finalized. It started out as the obligatory divorce talk and it just sort of proceeded from there. She was in my office because we were discussing you and Mark and what to do about it." He answered honestly.

Meredith's world began to spin. "You're…friends? You're friends…. You're friends and you didn't tell me…." She muttered, her voice muffled by her hands as she scrubbed them up and down her face.

He leaned against the door frame, his body limp with exhaustion. He just wanted to fix this, make it better, take her in his arms and make her believe that she was it for him. But she wasn't going to let him anywhere near her right now.

"When?" She asked finally, snapping him out of his silent reverie. He said nothing, waiting for her to clarify.

"When Derek? When will I be enough? When will we, YOUR FAMILY, be enough?" She demanded, her voice climbing in octaves as she raged at him.

"You are enough." He answered quietly, his deeply apologetic blue eyes begging her to believe him.

"Oh yeah? So if it's not us, then it's you. When are you going to be strong enough to be the man here?" She shot back. She braced her pregnant frame on the counter in the middle of the kitchen, holding his gaze, challenging him.

"I shouldn't have kept talking to her. It should have ended when the marriage ended. But she was more than just my wife. She was my friend, my best friend. And I didn't want to lose her. I wanted the best of both worlds. I knew going into it that it was wrong, that it would upset you. I did it anyways. That was my fault. You aren't to blame here Meredith." He explained.

"I'm not to blame? OK. That makes me feel so much better…. Derek, I'm supposed to be your best friend. We're supposed to get married!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"There is no 'supposed to' Meredith. We are getting married. You are the love of my life. You are who I want." He told her, taking a step towards her.

"Stop talking to her. Stop seeing her, stop thinking about her." Meredith demanded, unrelenting.

He studied his fiancé. The last time he'd heard words like that, it had been Addison demanding he stop seeing Meredith. Funny how time changes things.

"We are having a child. We already have 3. I will explain to my children why their daddy likes to hang out with his ex-wife more than their mommy." She informed him.

"That will never be the case." He promised, moving in closer.

"I trusted you Derek. I trusted you with everything and you're hiding things from me. I don't know what you expect me to do, how you expect me to act, how you expect me to feel. Please, go. Just go. Leave me alone." She whispered, tears streaming down her face as one hand rested on her stomach, on the place where she was carrying _their_ child.

Derek's heart was cracking. "Please Mere." He begged, his voice hoarse and broken.

She shook her head. "You need to go. If you love me, and want any chance at this working, you need to go. Now." She insisted, turning away from him.

_If I love you? If I want this to work? I have to leave if I want to be with you?_ He hated it but he knew better than to question it. He nodded silently and turned on his heel. He picked up his keys and left.

As soon as she heard the door shut, she slowly sank to the ground, her body heaving with sobs. _You weren't supposed to go Derek. You were supposed to stay and fight for this, for us, for me._

WELL?


	7. I Just Want to Be Mad

Faithfully

Chapter 7: I Just Want to Be Mad

Derek drove for what felt like hours. He drove aimlessly, without purpose. Finally, pulled into the parking lot of Joe's and pulled out his phone to make the call he dreaded making.

"Hello?" Her voice rang out over the phone a moment later.

"She knows." He answered tersely, not even bothering with greetings.

Silence on the other end. "I thought you might want to know. Might want to share it with your husband." Derek suggested, trying his hardest to keep the disgust out of his voice.

"Where are you?" Addison finally asked, not even acknowledging his previous suggestion.

"She asked me to leave, so I left." He answered without preamble.

"She kicked you out and you listened! Derek, she's very pregnant and very hormonal. I don't care if she was throwing things at you, you shouldn't have left. You need to go home." Addison warned him.

"I don't think it's that simple Addi. She's so angry. What if I can't fix this? What if she's the 'so angry she doesn't want to marry me' kind of angry? We have kids and a life… I can't give that up… I won't." He said quietly.

Addison was silent for a long moment. "Don't tell me, tell her Derek. If you want to save this, you have to stop talking to me about it and tell her." Addison told her ex-husband. A moment later, she hung up on him.

"Damn it." He cursed loudly. _Go home!_ His aching heart screamed. He wanted to, so badly. He glanced down at his watch. 11:30. She'd be going to bed soon, if she hadn't already. She'd be fresh from her shower, wrapped in her favorite blue robe. She'd climb into bed, covers up to her chest and she'd read with one hand while he'd turn on his side, away from the light and she'd play with his hair for awhile. Right around midnight, she'd flick the light off and snuggle down in bed. He'd turn over to kiss her goodnight and she'd rub her stomach, his hand would join hers after a moment and they'd fall asleep.

His phone ringing interrupted his daydream. He clicked it on speakerphone and before he even started speaking, an angry voice came over the line.

"Go home. Go home so she'll stop calling me every 5 minutes." Cristina barked. Before he could speak again, the voice changed.

"Derek, just a second. Cristina, that's not going to help. Now you go deal with the child you fed sugar to at 9 at night. I'll handle this." He ordered. Derek pulled the phone back from his ear as he heard a door slam.

"Sorry about that. I'm thinking we may need to hire a nanny." Burke muttered. Derek laughed in spite of himself.

"What are you going to do?" Burke questioned.

Derek exhaled loudly. "I don't know. Go home? Get a hotel? Sleep in the car?" He threw out suggestions, running a hand through his hair.

"The first option is your best bet. I don't think I need to tell you that though. Just like I don't need to tell you that you never should have left." Burke pointed out, his voice even and calm.

"Yes, I'm realizing that now." Derek replied sarcastically.

"Cristina! Cookies are not bargaining tools! He's a child for God's sakes! Treat him like one!" Burke snapped, moving the phone from his mouth.

Derek smiled softly as the people who he'd come to know as his best friends, bickered over their conflicting opinions on child rearing.

"Take some time, collect yourself, then go home and grovel." Burke advised, at last returning to the conversation.

Derek was quiet for a moment. "That's probably the best thing to do…" He admitted.

He and Burke quickly said their goodbyes and Derek started the car. He could use a trip to the ferry boats to clear his head.

He was parked on a boat within 10 minutes. He unbuckled his seat belt and pulled his phone out of his pocket, pressing the power button until it shut off. Peace and quiet.

Meredith had watched her fiance's retreating back and retreating car until it was out of sight. Then she'd banged some cabinets and slammed some pans around until she heard the tell tale cries of her youngest daughter.

Cursing herself, she started up the stairs to her daughter's room. She was so wrapped up in her anger that she didn't even see Emery's plastic dress up shoe hiding on the stair second from the top.

All she could remember was her right foot hitting something hard and plastic and then losing her balance, and as if in slow motion, she started the tumble backwards, down the stairs, her last thought echoing through her mind _My baby…Please don't let my baby die…_

So what do you think? Not exactly what you were expecting huh?


	8. Best I Ever Had

They aren't mine. I love them dearly and I think about them all the time, but the restraining order and all….

Faithfully

Chapter 8: Best I Ever Had

Cristina, grateful that Burke had convinced Derek to go home, dialed Meredith's number to tell her to stop banging pans around and go to bed. The phone rang 4 times before a little voice came over the line.

"Hello?" A timid voice whispered.

Cristina wrinkled her brow and glanced at the clock. Even she knew Emery shouldn't be awake at this time of night. "Emery? Where's your mom?" Cristina asked.

There was a pause as the child walked off to find out the answer to Cristina's question. "Mommy's on the floor." The child dutifully reported a moment later.

Dread was creeping into Cristina's subconscious. "Em, is your mommy moving?" She asked the young child.

At this question, Burke, who'd been putting away dishes, froze. He waited, tense with worry.

Another long pause on the young child's end of the phone. "No. Cristina, mommy's bleeding." The child said, fear taking over her voice.

Cristina felt her own blood run cold. "Stay there. Cristina's coming baby." She told the small girl before slamming the phone down. She turned to report to Burke but he'd already run off to get Jake. She grabbed her bag with her spare medical equipment as Burke met her in the hallway. She ran down to the car while he banged on the door of the next door neighbor who sometimes babysat for them and briefly explained what was happening as he shoved Jake into her arms. "We'll call!" He called as he ran around to the driver's side door.

They were at Meredith's within 10 minutes of the call. Cristina and Burke flew through the door to find Meredith on the floor. Burke called 911 as Cristina checked her vitals and her pulse. "Weak, but it's there. She's breathing." Cristina reported.

Burke nodded and glanced up the stairs to see a wide eyed Emery standing at the top. He bounded up the stairs to the child.

"What's wrong with mommy?" The child asked with eyes brimming with tears.

"Mommy got hurt but she's going to be just fine. C'mon, lets go get your sister." He suggested. Emery nodded and turned to go to her sister's room. "Ride with her to the hospital. I'll take the kids and I'll call Derek and the others." He told Cristina. She nodded her agreement and waited for the ambulance.

5 minutes later, she was loaded into the back of an ambulance and was speeding off to SGH.

He quickly dressed Delaney and flipped his cell phone open. He called Izzie first and told her to get to the hospital ASAP. He reported the same to George. Then he dialed Derek. It went right to voice mail. "Derek. It's Burke. You need to get to the hospital as soon as you get this. Meredith fell." He said and ended the call. Then he scrolled through his numbers until he came to the one person who Meredith would need most.

"Hello?" A tired voice came over the line.

"Addison. It's Burke. I need you at the hospital now. Meredith fell." He said and hung up.

He quickly packed up the kids and drove to his neighbor's house, picked up Jake and sped to the hospital.

He dropped them at the nursery and headed up to surgery.

Cristina was pacing a hole in the floor. "She's in surgery. Addison and Izzie are working on her right now." She reported.

"Derek show yet?" He asked, pulling her down next to him. "Nope. George and Alex

went to look for him." She replied, wringing her hands.

Derek trudged back to the car, feeling somewhat more at peace with himself as he opened his car door. He slid in and started the car. He flipped his phone open and powered it on. He shrugged out of his jacket and picked the phone back up as it vibrated that he had a voicemail.

He dialed his voicemail box and put the phone to his ear as he backed out. His face paled at Burke's message. His throat tightened and his grip tightened and his knuckles went white.

"Hang on baby. Please, Mere, I'm coming. Please don't let her die, she's the best thing I've ever had in my life." He whispered as he threw the phone down and swung out onto the road, heading towards the hospital.

Cristina was curled up on the nearest bench. Burke was next to her, his head against the wall, his eyes half closed.

Alex sat forward, his elbows on his knees, face resting in his hands. George was next to him, one leg crossed over the top of the other, his elbow on the table next to him, head resting on it.

Mark sat a few feet away from everyone else, sensing he wasn't wanted in the group. His hands were folded in his lap, staring down at them.

Meredith had been in surgery for over an hour, with no report. Addison and Izzie strode through the door, snapping all of them out of their daze. Just as she opened her mouth, Derek came skidding through the doors, sliding to a stop in front of his friends and his ex-wife and ex-best friend.

"Well?" He asked, running up to her and Izzie.

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	9. Let It Be

I'm happy you like me so much!

I don't own it. Nuff said.

Faithfully

Chapter 9: Let It Be

It was bad. Derek knew from their expressions that it was bad. He'd used that expression.

Addison glanced at Izzie, and the two of them moved in closer to him to tell him what happened.

"She's alive, Derek. She made it. She hit her head pretty badly, she's got some bumps and bruises, but she's going to be OK." Izzie dutifully reported.

Derek turned to Addison. His eyes asked the question on everyone's minds.

"The baby…Derek, the fall… It was bad for the baby. We weren't getting a heart beat or any fetal movements or sounds. The best course of action was to induce labor. Under normal circumstances, a 7 month old preemie has a pretty good chance of surviving. However, due to the fall and the stress…. We did everything we could but… he died after the fall… He was stillborn." Addison whispered, keeping her voice as steady as possible.

As soon as Addison confirmed what he already knew, Derek's world began slipping right through his hands. He felt like he was trying to catch it, but every time he did, he dropped a little more. He turned away from Addison and walked a few feet away, allowing the tears to fall, allowing himself to feel this, to recognize this, to accept that this was really happening.

_Meredith… Oh God, Mere…_ He turned around and three strides later, was back at Addison's side. "Meredith… Does she know yet?" He asked, his face painted with raw emotion.

Addison choked back her reaction. He'd just lost his first son and he wanted to know if Meredith was all right. He was dedicated, there was no questioning that.

Not entirely trusting her voice, she shook her head. Izzie took the opportunity to jump in. "We… We put her under for the surgery, so she's going to be coming around soon. Do you want us to tell-" Izzie started to ask.

"No, it should come from me. He was… Is, our son. I…. I think it should be me." Derek insisted, furiously trying to keep his voice steady and the tears at bay.

No one said anything. They knew there wasn't anything they could say.

Derek gathered his emotions as best as he could and made his way to her room.

Meredith was groggy and lethargic. Her whole body felt heavy and tired. As she awoke, realization hit her. Her hands flew to her stomach, feeling for the bump, for the baby. Her stomach felt empty, deflated.

She flew into panic mode, sitting up, ripping at her sheets, pulling at IV's, frantically trying to untangle herself from the confines of the hospital bed.

4 nurses rushed in to calm her. "Sedate her. She's going to rip all her stitches out if we don't calm her down!" One of them exclaimed.

Within two minutes they had her back in bed and under mild sedation.

Derek walked in 15 minutes later. "She should've been awake by now. Why's she still out?" He asked a nurse.

"Well, she woke and realized she'd had a C-section and then had a mild anxiety attack and tried to pull out her IV's and almost ripped out her stitches. We had to sedate her Dr. Shepherd." The nurse replied nervously.

Derek was too numb to be upset. He just nodded and went to her bed. He sat with her for several hours, holding her hand, stroking patterns into it with his thumb. _What am I going to tell her? This is all my fault. I'm the reason she fell. I walked out…_

"Derek?" She muttered, her voice groggy with sleep. He jerked up in his chair, pulling his mind away from the daydream it had been engrossed in.

"Mere. Sweetie. I'm so glad you're awake." He muttered, leaning over to press a kiss to her head.

She smiled softly. "So how's he doing?" She asked softly after a moment.

_She's assuming he's ok… Oh God…_

"Mere. They took the baby out about 6 hours ago. But… Well see, he was, I mean, the stress…" He fumbled, not able to put together the words that he needed her to hear.

"I was almost 8 months along, that's plenty of time." Meredith said, unaware of the words Derek was trying to spit out.

"Under normal circumstances, yes." He agreed, finally able to put words together and string them into a coherent thought.

"Normal circumstances? This wasn't normal, was it?" She asked softly.

"No Mere. The circumstances were far from normal. The fall, it did too much damage…. It was too much for him Mere. They did everything they could…." He choked out, his voice cracking and filling with emotion.

Meredith felt her body go cold. Her hand, which had been in Derek's, now felt lifeless. She felt lifeless. "I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have left. You wouldn't have fallen if I'd have stayed. I walked out. This is my fault." He cried, his head on the bed, tears flowing freely now.

His body shook with his sobs. Meredith couldn't move. Couldn't speak, couldn't do anything. She had to remind herself to breathe.

"Mere, babe, I'm here. I love you so much and I'm so sorry. I can't believe I almost lost you. Whatever I can do, babe, I'll do. I just don't want to lose you." He whispered, his hand tightening around hers as he spoke the love filled words.

She finally turned and met his eyes. "I want you to go." She said at last, her voice a hoarse whisper.

"Go? What?" He asked, confused. He didn't want to face what she was asking him to do.

"Leave me alone please. I need this right now." She told him. She showed absolutely no emotion, no feeling.

He had no choice. For the time being, he would just have to let it be.

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	10. Gotta Have Faith

You people are fab!

They aren't mine. What a shame.

Faithfully

Chapter 10: Gotta Have Faith

It was day 4 of Meredith's hospital stay. Derek had stayed away since she'd told him to leave.

"Chief, please, just sign the discharge papers and she'll go home with me." Izzie pleaded of her boss.

"Izzie, you know I can't do that. You know the rules. She can't be discharged until she's eating solids and walking on her own. She hasn't eaten anything since she got here and she certainly isn't walking, so the answer is no." Dr. Weber told her.

"She needs to be with her children, she needs to be at home." Cristina interjected.

The chief shot Dr. Yang a harsh look. "She needs to heal. She's doing that here just fine. I know she's your friend, she's practically like my child, but this is the best place for her. She doesn't even have a husband to go home to right now. Please trust me when I tell you that she needs to stay here for the time being." The chief pleaded, hoping the demanding surgeons standing in front of him would get the picture.

Cristina and Izzie exchanged glances. They'd lost this one. The chief wouldn't allow her to be discharged, so they had nothing. They shrugged at one another, turned on their heels and left.

"Women…" Dr. Weber muttered under his breath as he re-positioned his glasses on his nose and went back to the paperwork he'd been doing before the two women had burst into his office.

"Derek you need to speak to her, or at the very least, go see her." Burke told his colleague as they had a couple of drinks at Joe's bar. It had taken Preston hours to convince Derek to leave the hotel he'd been staying at since Meredith had asked him to go.

"She doesn't want to see me. This is all my fault and she knows it. She's punishing me. She's punishing me for the loss of our son. And you want me to go visit? What do I do? What do I say? Do I bring a card that says 'Sorry for Your Loss'? Doubt it's going to make an impact, I really doubt it." Derek spat as he took a swallow of his scotch.

"No, you go in there and deal with this with her, like she wants you do. She needs you. She'll come around eventually. You have to have faith. That was your child too. That was your son you lost. You should grieve Derek and instead you're drinking. You're drinking and your wife is going to pieces in a hospital across the street." Burke retorted.

Derek shrugged his shoulders drunkenly. "That's life Burke." Derek replied, taking another long gulp of his scotch.

Burke caught Joe's eye in the mirror over the bar. He made a slicing gesture through the air with his hand, signaling that Derek was more than done for the evening. Joe gave him a single nod and returned to doing his job.

"You lost a child. Both of you did. But you're going to lose more than that if you continue to sit here and avoid your wife. You're an adult, a surgeon, and you know better than this." Burke coached.

Derek sat up straight, making true eye contact with Burke for the first time since they'd gotten there. "Have you ever lost a kid?" Derek challenged, his eyes full of rage.

"Yes, Derek I have. I do know how it feels to have the world crumbling around you. And this, drinking, is not the way to handle it." Burke told him.

Derek wasn't a complete fool. He was a doctor. He knew none of this was healthy. He knew it wasn't going to solve anything. But that didn't mean it didn't help.

"Burke. If I go over there, she won't even see me. I'm not even allowed in the room with her because it upsets her too much. So what's the point?" Derek spat. He was too busy being angry to notice that Cristina had just entered the bar and had been there just long enough to hear his pathetic reasoning for not seeing his wife.

"The point is, she's the mother of your children and the love of your life. Now get your ass up off the bar stool and go over there and get those psycho nurses to discharge her!"

Cristina angrily snapped at him, yanking on his shirt, pulling him around so he was forced to face her.

"Go back there and sit. Sit in that waiting room. Sit in there every damn day from sun up to sundown. You sit there until she is ready to come home. You do it because it's the woman you love and she needs you and we're not enough anymore!" She went on, exploding as she spoke.

Derek's eyes shifted from an angry Cristina to her unsurprised husband and finally to Joe, counting on the bartender to understand and sympathize with him. He was met with a solemn stare and a jerk of the man's head towards the door.

"You're done Doc." Joe said and pulled back the scotch in front of Derek.

Derek heaved a sigh and stood. He grabbed his coat and strode to the door, pushing through without a backwards glance.

_TWO HOURS LATER_

"Dr. Grey…. Meredith…" A soft voice called.

Meredith rolled over and cracked her eyes open, only to see a nurse standing over her.

"Dr. Shepherd wanted me to tell you that he's in the waiting room and he'd like to see you." The nurse softly reported.

Meredith laid there, unmoving, unresponsive.

"Dr. Grey… Would you like to see him?" The young nurse asked tentatively.

"No."

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	11. Cut My Life Into Pieces

Faithfully

Chapter 11: Cut My Life Into Pieces

"I'm… I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd. She still is refusing to see you." Nurse Barber said, closing the door behind her as she exited

He sighed and nodded, the answer not surprising him. He'd been there for 3 days now, going home long enough to shower and change. The rest of his time was spent sitting outside her room, almost like her body guard.

He leaned his head against the wall, rubbing his hand over his face, pinching his eyes closed. It would be so much easier to leave, go sit at Joe's and drink himself into a stupor. At least he'd feel like he was doing _something_ instead of just sitting here. But, try as he did to convince himself to go, his heart wouldn't let him go anywhere.

Before he could do anything else, he heard the pitter patter of familiar feet. He looked up just as Emery flew into his arms. "Daddy!" She cried, wrapping her arms around his neck. He felt a pang of guilt rush through him. He hasn't seen much of his kids since he'd started camping out in front of his wife's room.

He pulled both his girls to him. Right now, they were the closest thing he had to Meredith. "How's mommy?" Emery asked, twirling her fingers around his hair.

"Mommy's still sick sweetie. But hopefully she'll be better soon and she can come home." He told his young daughter.

Before she could question him further, William Jones, Bailey's son, came tearing around the corner, his mother in close pursuit. As soon as Emery caught sight of her friend, she immediately released her father and ran to his side.

"I knew the day would come when she'd pick a boy over me. I just never thought it would be this soon." He tried to joke to Bailey as the short woman came to a halt beside him.

"Still sittin' outside huh?" Bailey asked, lowering herself onto the bench next to him.

"Can't force her. She doesn't want to see me, ok. But how long I do this for? How long do I sit here?" He questioned softly.

She didn't really have an answer for that. Or rather, an answer that would make him happy.

"Don't give up on her Derek. She will get out of that bed. This will get better, and she will need you. You just need to believe that." Bailey told him, allowing herself an uncharacteristic gesture of sympathy.

"I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss Miranda." He confided to the woman.

"I can't tell you what to do. She's lost her child Derek. She's dealing in the only way she's been taught, it's the only way she knows how to grieve." Bailey went on.

Derek sat in silence, taking in the woman's words, trying to make them help, trying to make sense of it all.

"Has she seen the girls?" Bailey asked after a moment.

Derek shook his head. "The nurses have asked her if she wants to see them, she told them no." He replied wearily.

"Maybe it's time to stop giving her choices. Maybe you should let me take the girls in." Bailey suggested.

Derek thought about this for a minute. "I don't know about that. I don't think we should force her…" He trailed off.

"Derek, they are her children. She is their mother. It's not about forcing. It's about recovering and trying to move on. Meredith needs to know that she still has two perfectly healthy girls that she's going to lose if she doesn't start the healing process." Bailey pointed out.

He debated her idea. _Hell, what do I have to lose at this point?_ Finally, he nodded. "Do it. Do whatever you think is best. I just want her back." He whispered. Bailey nodded.

She scooped up Delaney and called to Emery and Will. "We'll be out in a bit. Why don't you go get some food or something. Get away from here." She suggested, trying to coax him to his feet.

"I think it's better if I stay here." He argued, holding his seat.

"Let us do this. I don't know how this is going to go and I don't think you need to see or hear this." She argued softly.

"She's practically my wife. I can handle it." He informed the woman arguing with him.

"I know. I know you can handle a lot. But now is not the time. Now, now you can't. Just trust me. Go." Miranda instructed him.

He reluctantly stood and started down the hall, struggling not to turn back.

Once Bailey was sure he was gone, she gathered the kids around her and pushed through the door.

It took everything she had not to react. Meredith was thin, ghostly pale. Her body was hooked to tubes and wires everywhere she looked. She was facing the wall, the blanket covering her slender frame.

"Meredith." Bailey called softly to the young woman. She barely stirred. Bailey glanced down at Emery, who was staring at her mother with curiosity. Bailey leaned down to the child. "Say hi to your mom." She whispered to the child, gently guiding her forward as she told her.

"Hi mommy." Emery told her mom, resting her hand on her mom's leg as she did so.

Meredith, who'd been replaying the fall over and over in her head, was jerked back to present time by the feel and sound of her older daughter.

She turned so fast, she scared Emery. Her bleary eyes took in the room. Bailey, Will, Emery and Delaney.

Emery approached again, slower this time and Delaney reached out to her mother.

Meredith jerked back. "Bailey, get them out of here." She hissed, her voice low.

"Meredith. These are your children. You need-" Bailey started.

"GET THEM OUT!!!" She shrieked at the woman. Bailey's eyes went wide at her outburst.

Emery, largely unafraid of most things, still approached her mom. "Mommy, what's wrong?" She questioned, her voice small and slightly frightened. She laid her hand on her mother's arm.

Meredith jerked back, her eyes wild. "GET OUT!!!" She screamed. Monitors started going crazy all around her.

Emery now had tears streaming down her face, and Delaney was sobbing in Bailey's arms.

Bailey sprang into action, quickly gathering the children and turning them to head out, only to run head on into Derek.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to leave her floor and had been pacing at the other end when he heard a nurse call for assistance to Meredith's room. He took off behind them.

He entered the room as Bailey was leaving. She was surrounded by nurses, Addison and Izzie. "Cardiac arrest, brought on by sudden, strong amounts of stress, BP skyrocketed." Izzie reported to Addison, who'd come in moments before Derek.

Tears filled Derek's eyes as the love of his life flat lined.

His world around him slowly fell to pieces.

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	12. Right Here Waiting

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Chapter 12: Right Here Waiting

Derek felt his world crumbling around him. All he could think was it was his fault, that he was why she lost the baby, why she was dying.

Addison glanced up and saw the horror and fear in Derek's eyes. She made a quick decision. "Get him out of here." She instructed a nurse as she jerked her head at Derek.

Under other circumstances, Derek might've fought with her. But his body just wouldn't react as he allowed himself to be lead out of the room.

It wasn't until the door swished shut that he lost it. He hit his knees, tears streaming down his face. Derek was not normally a praying man, but at that moment, he was. _God, please, please, you can't take her… I need her… She's my reason for getting up each day. She's the mother of my children, she's my life, she's my world…Don't take her._

15 minutes later, that's where Addison found him, on the floor, back against the wall, knees pulled to his chest, arms around himself, head bowed.

Addison had long since been over the man on the floor, but for a brief second, she allowed herself to feel the pang of jealousy course through her. Derek had loved her, but not to this extent. Just as quickly as she allowed herself to feel it, she pushed it aside.

She stooped to his level and sat next to him. She knew he knew she was there. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"She's alive." She whispered. She heard a sharp intake of breath followed by him exhaling a huge sob.

He knew it was his ex-wife but he didn't care, she'd just saved Meredith's life. He threw his arms around her, tears of relief running down his face.

She was a bit stunned at his bold action, but she knew what he meant by it. "Thank you Addy." He sputtered through his tears.

They sat and she held him for a good ten minutes. "Derek, I think you need to see your wife." She told him at last.

He pulled back, uncertainty marring his face, concern filling his eyes. "She's asleep, she probably won't even wake up, but I think your presence would help." Addison told him softly.

He pulled back, uncertainty filling his eyes. "She doesn't want to see me. She's… She's obviously not ready. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for what happened in there." He confided, leaning back against the wall. She leaned back with him.

"Derek, you're a doctor, you know-" She started, hoping to appeal to his logical, practical mind.

"We aren't talking medicine, we're not talking about some patient. This is my family… My life… My world. It doesn't matter what I know. It matters what I feel." He whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Addison was silent for several moments. "I'm not appealing to you as Meredith's doctor, or even as any doctor, not even as your ex-wife… I'm coming to you as someone who knows you, someone who's been your friend for a long time. You need to go to her. You need her. She needs you. As soon as she declared fit, I'm discharging her. She needs to go home. With you." Addison told him as she stood.

She left him no chance to respond as she'd already started down the hall, her expensive heels clacking authoritatively. He knew he had no choice. If Addison was going to discharge Meredith, it needed to be in his care, no one else's.

He stood to face Meredith's door. _Go in… You have to go in…_ He knew she'd be asleep and that she wouldn't have any recollection of his presence, but that did little to quiet his stomach.

He exhaled a big breath and pushed the door open.

He wanted to cry all over again when he saw her. She was pale and fragile looking, her skin bluish from all the meds and needles constantly prodding at her.

He quietly scooted a chair up to her side, needing, wanting, to be as close to her as possible. He took her small right hand in his left, stilling himself when she stirred. He smiled when she didn't wake up. _She'd sleep through a tornado._ It felt good to have something stay the same.

He sunk into the chair, still holding her hand. He allowed his eyes to drift shut to the sound of her slow even breathing.

"I'm going to take you home Mere. Just as soon as I can. I promise. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you." He whispered and brought her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her fingers before returning their joined hands to her bed.

For the first time in days, Derek slept with his wife.

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	13. I'm Not Ready To Make Nice

Faithfully

Chapter 13: I'm Not Ready To Make Nice

Derek woke with a start the next morning. At first, he wasn't sure what had stirred him, then he felt it again. Meredith's small hand had ever so gently squeezed his larger one. It was soft and weak but there. His heart leapt in excitement.

He was torn. _Do I stay and wait? Or let her wake up on her own?_ He didn't get to debate it too long due to Izzie's entrance.

"How is she?" She asked, coming to the best to check on her best friend.

"She squeezed my hand twice." He reported, keeping his voice low and his hand in hers.

"Good. That's really great. She'll be waking up soon. Not to upset you Derek, but I don't think-" She started to say, but he cut her off before she could finish what he already knew she was going with her statement.

"I don't think I should be here either. She went through so much…" He trailed off, standing and regretfully letting go of her hand.

"Derek you should know… If, for whatever reason, when Addison discharges her and she refuses to leave… We'll have to admit her to the psych ward." Izzie told him, not really able to meet his gaze.

He'd figured that would be the case, he just preferred not to think about it. "I know Izzie." He replied softly as he left the room, the door swinging shut behind him.

Three hours… That's how long it took Meredith to wake up. It had been hard fought. She'd insisted on staying in bed, telling everyone she was too tired. It had taken every ounce of Izzie and Cristina's patience and persistence to get her to a state of complete consciousness.

Derek sat outside her door all day, waiting for the brief updates, eating them up like a homeless person who hadn't eaten in days.

By the end of the evening Meredith was coherent and responsive. "We need to talk to her about leaving." Cristina suggested to Izzie as they made their way towards her room.

"She's not going to go quietly, you know that right? She's going to do everything she can to stay." Izzied pointed out as they walked.

"No need. She's packed. Ready to go." A voice came. Both women looked up, startled.

Addison was standing in front of them, leaning against the wall.

"What do you mean? She's packed? Ready to leave? Who spoke to her?" Izzie demanded.

"No one. Nurse went to take her vitals and Meredith was packing, saying she was ready to go home. She wanted discharge papers. Nurse came and got me and I'm getting ready to deliver the papers now." Addison reported.

Cristina and Izzie exchanged glances. This was odd. Meredith wasn't one to just… get over things. "Relax ladies… She's going to be required to see a therapist weekly… It's contingent upon her being released." Addison told them, apparently reading both their minds.

Both women sighed in relief and Addison now felt a bit bad about what she had to tell them next. "She… She doesn't want to be released into Derek's care though. She's requested anyone besides him." She continued.

This time, they collectively groaned. So that was going to be the bargaining chip.

"Does he know?" Cristina asked after a few tense moments of silence.

"Not yet. Haven't seen him." Addison replied softly.

The three of them stood in relative silence, debating where to go from here.

"I hate to ask… But is there any reason she shouldn't go home with him?" Addison asked, her eyebrows furrowed together in frustration and concern.

Both women shook their heads. Derek was the farthest thing from unfit and all three of them knew that.

"Well then, here's what we do. We tell her that if she isn't willing to go home with him. She doesn't go home. She stays. We admit her to the psych ward." Addison said, handing Izzie the admittance paperwork she'd just drawn up for Meredith.

"Isn't that… Sort of wrong?" Izzie asked after studying the papers.

Addison cocked her head to the side. She turned to face Cristina. "Do you want to take her home with you?" Addison asked.

Cristina shook her head no. "I can't… Apparently, I can't even dress my own kid… Taking care of Meredith… The Meredith in that room, laying in that bed, I can't." She replied.

Addison turned to Izzie. "What about you? Got room for her at home? Time for her in your schedule?" She challenged, cocking her eyebrow in that way that was so very Addison.

Izzie sighed. She was beaten. She knew that neither she or Cristina could take care of her in the way Meredith needed it. Neither of them could take off from work… Neither of them had that ability at the moment… Only Derek… Only him.

Addison knew what Izzie's silence meant. "Let's go ladies." She said, pushing the door of Meredith's room open.

Meredith looked up, grateful for the faces of her friends. "Hi." She whispered, smiling softly at them.

They all muttered their greetings, not happy that they were about to give their friend and ultimatum.

"So… Who's babysitting me?" Meredith asked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Addison stepped forward, paperwork in hand.

"OK. So here's the deal. These two, they love you, they really do. But you can't go home with either one of them. They are very busy doctors with families and kids of their own that they barely see. They can't take time off. You can't go home with them. You can, however, go home with Derek." Addison finished, holding Meredith's gaze the whole time.

Immediately, Meredith shook her head. "I don't… I can't… Not right now." She told her, unwilling to back down on this.

"Meredith. In my left hand I have your discharge papers. I will not sign them if you do not agree to go home with Derek. If you do not agree, I will however, sign the papers in my right hand." Addison retorted, holding up each hand for effect.

"What's in your right hand?" Meredith asked, too petrified to even allow herself to guess.

Addison handed them to her, not a word spoken.

"PSYCH PAPERS!!?! You're telling me if I don't go home with him, I'll be admitted to the psych ward!!?!? I'm NOT CRAZY." Meredith raged.

"If you choose not to go home with him, I will declare you temporarily mentally unsound and you will be admitted. You have your choices. What's it going to be?" Addison asked, completely ignoring Meredith's rant.

Meredith's chest heaved up and down as her mind raced to figure out what to do.

REVIEW


	14. Numb

I don't own this show.

I own the plot.

Don't steal my plot.

I know where you hang out.

Faithfully

Chapter 14: Numb

"Sign the discharge papers." Meredith said after several strained moments. She sighed heavily, an admittance of defeat.

Addison cocked an eyebrow. "You'll go home with Derek? And stay home? Not go to a hotel or anything like that? Cause if you do, we'll bring you right back in here." Addison warned her.

Meredith's cheeks reddened. Addison's remark about a hotel hit the target right on the nose. That was exactly what she'd been planning.

Addison sighed and put pen to paper. "I'll let Derek know you're ready to go home." She told Meredith, and gestured for Cristina and Izzie to follow her out.

As soon as her door swung shut, she turned to the younger women. "I'm going to have to tell Derek about all of this. We can't have her thinking she can just check into a hotel the moment she gets home. Physically, she needs to be at home where she can rest and finish healing under his eye. Mentally, I think, if she checks into a hotel, she's checking out of her life, out of her kids. Out… Out of her relationship with Derek. He needs to keep her there. As much as she didn't want to go home with him, they have some issues to work out." Addison finished, expelling a tired breath.

Izzie and Cristina were in agreement with Addison's diagnosis. They went to find Derek while Addison dropped off the discharge papers.

She met up with Derek twenty minutes later. She sat down across from him at the table in the cafeteria that he was currently occupying.

"She's really ready to come home?" He asked, unable to keep the twinge of hope out of his voice.

Addison sighed. "Look, there's something you need to understand Derek…. She… Initially, she refused to go home with you. She wanted to go home with Cristina or Izzie. I'm telling you this because we gave her the choice of you or the psych ward. She chose you. I'm sorry you had to hear this, but you needed to know." She said softly.

She watched multiple emotions cross over his face. "She… She didn't want to come home with me?" He whispered, unable to comprehend this.

"She's upset Derek. She's got some internal issues, which is to be expected, she lost her child. She needs you. She may not be ready to admit it, but she needs you." Addison reminded him.

"She obviously doesn't want to be around me Addison." He replied, his voice filled with sadness.

"She does, she just doesn't want to face it. Right now, for her, it's easier on her mind if she can blame you instead of herself. Her mind, her mental health, just can't take it. But Derek, you have to do this. You have to be there. You need to be strong for her. She needs you so much right now that she doesn't even realize it." She said, doing her best to keep her emotions at bay.

It wasn't that she was still in love with Derek. It was that Mark was so drastically different than Derek and sometimes, in moments like this, she missed him.

"Can you do this?" She asked quietly.

He just stood there, unable to respond, unable to think. At that moment, he felt completely numb.

"Derek, if you can't handle this, we'll have to move her to the psych ward." Addison warned him.

"No, no, I can do this. I'll take care of her." He said, snapping out of his trance, knowing that he couldn't let her go the psych ward. She'd never forgive him if he let her go there.

"Ok then. I think it's time you see your fiancé."


	15. Keep On Loving You

Faithfully

Chapter 15: Keep On Loving You

Derek sat patiently outside Meredith's room, wringing his hands, waiting to see her. He felt like he'd been living at the hospital lately and all he wanted to do was bring her home.

Addison came out a few moments later and stood in front of him. "She's ready to see you." She reported.

She studied her ex-husband carefully. His face was gaunt and his eyes were tired and circled in a dark purple color. He'd lost weight, his beard had gotten the better of him. She didn't even know the last time he'd gone home.

He stood, his shoulders slumped, and prepared to walk in. She put a hand on his shoulder. "Stop." She told him.

He turned to look at her, obviously confused.

"Derek, you can't go in there looking like that. Right now, she's going to be relying on you for strength. And obviously you aren't in any shape to be relied upon. Go home, take a shower, shave, do whatever, but don't come back here until you're ready to be strong. In the meantime, we'll pack her things and get her showered and ready to go." Addison instructed him.

He thought about protesting, but to be honest with himself, he just didn't have it in him anymore. He just… He just wanted his Meredith back… So he nodded, knowing Addison was right, knowing that now was the time that he needed to step up and take care of her.

He headed home. Upon entering, he heard sounds of his two daughters. He found them in their playroom, building a block castle with Jake. Burke sat in the corner, in the rocker, watching with a small smile on his face.

He turned at the entrance of Derek, standing once he met the man's eyes. "I'm just here to shower, shave, perk up, I guess, then I'm bringing her home." Derek said, answering the question Burke was asking with his eyes.

Burke nodded his approval. "Go on. I've got this." He informed his colleague before settling back into his chair to watch the children.

Derek nodded his thanks and headed up to his room. He halted once he was in there. He hadn't slept there since that awful night. He was flooded with memories of both that evening and everything that was… well, them.

The pictures of him, her and their girls littered the room. Meredith took pictures of everything, probably compensating for the fact that her own mother had never bothered with cameras. Pictures of him, her, the girls… They littered every available surface.

The room was 100 Meredith. It was decorated in deep reds and rich cherry wood. It was soft and inviting. The big four poster bed in the middle, with the thick dark red comforter, the matching silk sheets beneath it.

There was a fireplace in the corner, two big arm chairs in a rich brown were nestled around it, a small table in between it.

Two walk in closets behind two doors were closed, both filled with clothing… Clothing was one of many loves they both shared.

Their big oak dresser stood on the last wall. It was an antique Meredith picked up a few years back and instantly loved. He loved it because she loved it.

Books were everywhere. Stacked by their chairs, on the dresser, by the bed, on their matching nightstands. Every type of book you could imagine. Medical books (both of them), adventure novels (him), maternity books (her), fishing guides (him), the occasional romance novel (her) He gazed at all the books, then spotted the nearly empty bookshelf and actually gave half a chuckle. Figures that they'd have more books off the bookshelf than on it.

He stepped over to the bed, scooped up her pillow, bringing it to his nose, he inhaled the scent of her conditioner, the odor making his head spin. He closed his eyes as the all the memories of that bed washed over him. They'd conceived all their children there. It was where they watched the news, movies, tv shows… They spent Sunday mornings (when they could) with their kids in this bed…

He dropped the pillow back to the bed and let his hands graze over it, over her side. _I've got to bring her home… I have to… I need her, I need those feelings back. She needs me, and I need her. I have to do this. I can't give up._

More determined than ever, he stepped to his closet, pulled out jeans and sweater, tossed them on the bed and headed to the shower.

He was going to do this, he was going to bring her back, come hell or high water.


	16. Reunited

FIRST: GO CHECK OUT MY PROFILE!! TOTALLY REVAMPED!!

SECOND: THE STORY IS MINE BUT THE PEOPLE AREN'T. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. I'M SAVING FOR A PUPPY.

Faithfully

Chapter 16: Reunited

Cristina and Izzie got Meredith into the shower and cleaned up before Derek returned for her. They gave her a few moments to herself in the bathroom to make herself presentable.

She stared at her sunken expression in the mirror. Her cheeks were colorless, her eyes were pale. She ran her hand down her mostly flat stomach, an ever present reminder of the past.

She pulled on her black yoga pants and a soft sweatshirt. She ran a comb through her wet hair and let it hang loosely down her back.

She slipped her shoes on and padded out of the bathroom.

Izzie was dutifully packing her bag, going through drawers, making sure everything was accounted for.

Cristina was completing the discharge papers and filling out prescriptions.

"Wow, you guys really don't want me here anymore." She muttered, watching her friends as they continued the process of moving Meredith from the hospital to her home.

"Mere, it's time. You need to go home, continue living your life. Your kids need you, Derek needs you." Izzie told her, momentarily halting her packing to speak with Meredith.

Meredith wasn't stupid. She knew better than to argue at this point. She shuffled over to the recliner in the corner and sat down. She felt like her whole body was on autopilot at the moment, and oddly enough, she was grateful for it.

Half an hour later, everything was done. The paperwork had been filled out and signed. Her two bags were packed and ready to go, sitting by the bed. And Izzie and Cristina were keeping her company.

Derek stood outside the door, leaning against the wall, trying his best to mentally preparing himself to go in. Addison strode by, catching sight of his presence outside her door.

She silently appeared at his side, as he seemed to need someone by his side at the moment.

"What if she doesn't want me anymore? She already blames me for the death of the baby…" He muttered after several quiet moments.

Addison regarded him with a level gaze. "She will be ok. You have to give her time, but she will be ok. You need to believe that, not only for yourself, but for her. You're the father of her children. She loves you and you have to remind her of that. Fight for her Derek. Because if you lose her… That's it…"She told him, resting a hand on his arm.

He glanced over at her. "Thank you." He choked out hoarsely. He'd needed to hear that. He pushed off the wall and turned to face the door. He inhaled a deep breath, let it out, and pushed through the doors.

Meredith glanced up and met his eyes head on.

"Hi." He greeted softly, holding her eye contact.

She swallowed. "Hi." She whispered back.

Izzie and Cristina had been watching this brief exchange. Deciding it was time to make their exit, Izzie nudged Cristina out of the room, Cristina smacking at her the whole way.

"I wanted to watch!" Cristina exclaimed as the door shut.

Meredith smiled at her best friend's obvious interest in the situation.

Derek saw the small smile and felt his heart lift. _ Smiling… That's a good sign._

He moved to the chair next to her and sat down. She brought her eyes to his after a moment.

"The girls miss you." He told her, wanting so badly to reach out and touch her, knowing that this wasn't the right time.

"I miss them too. So much." She replied, trying hard to keep her tears at bay. God she'd missed hearing his voice, being in his presence. She'd missed it more than she ever thought possible.

"I miss you." He sighed out, not expecting any response. He just wanted her to know, that was what was important.

She gave him a small tremulous smile, her pale eyes brimming with tears. Slowly and tentatively, she reached over and placed her small hand over his.

"I missed you too."

Hope you liked!!


	17. Are You Alright?

Faithfully

Chapter 17: Are You Alright?

The ride home was silent. Meredith kept her eyes trained out the window, watching the city give way to the familiar trees of the suburb she lived in.

Derek kept his vision on the road, but kept glancing over at Meredith, looking for a sign, an expression, something that would give him a clue as to what to say. Her face remained blank, and therefore, so did his mind.

Home. She was home. That's what she kept repeating to herself, reminding herself that this was good, this was a step in the right direction. She opened the car door and got out, slamming the door behind her. She stood, gazing at it, the memories of the night he left suddenly washed over her.

She fought the memories, prying her mind back from them, knowing that continually resorting to them would only bring her pain.

Derek had quickly retrieved her bags from the trunk and was now cautiously approaching her from behind.

"Mere?" He asked, his voice soft and questioning.

She turned to him and saw the question in his gaze. She nodded and they started into the house.

Preston was gone. As were the girls. He must have taken them to his house. Derek silently thanked the man. The girls would have loved to see their mother but it might have been a bit too much at this point. The house had also been picked up.

"Where are the girls?" She asked softly.

He smiled. "They're with Preston and Cristina. Giving you a little time to get re-aquainted with being home." He replied dutifully.

All she could do was nod. He watched her under hooded lashes as she lightly ran her hands over certain objects in the living room.

"I'm going upstairs." She told him, her tone was an inviting one. She wanted to be alone. She took the two small bags from him and made her way upstairs. He stepped into the kitchen and found a note from Preston.

_**Derek-**_

_**The girls are with us, and they can stay as long as necessary. I also had a cleaning service come through and clean up the place. The nursery has been emptied and converted to a spare bedroom, bedroom set included. Everything has been packed away and put in storage. Let us know if you need anything.**_

_**Burke**_

Derek had spoken with Meredith's doctors and the recommendation that he temporarily remove all baby-related items from the home had been heard. Preston and Cristina had quickly and efficiently purged the house of all of it, and had been turned into a spare bedroom. He would have liked to have done it himself, but when he'd been faced with the thought of packing up his unborn child's things, he'd broken down and Cristina and Burke swiftly swooped in and volunteered to do it. He crumbled the note and threw it in the waste basket, hoping for the best.

Meredith was slowly walking from room to room. First, the master bedroom. She dropped her bags on the bed, pushing her palms into it, reveling in the feel of her own bed again. She'd missed it. Her gaze touched every corner of the room, her favorite one in the house. Now, she wasn't entirely sure if she could share it with Derek yet. She slowly removed her hands and retreated from the room.

The next stop was the girls' playroom. It was littered with their toys, as usual. They were constantly showered with gifts from just about everyone who met them. Meredith had long since given up keeping it clean, knowing the attempts, at their age, would be fruitless.

She smiled at the familiarity of it all. It was comforting that this aspect of her life was still intact.

She stopped next in Emery's room. Her room was pale green and not extremely feminine. She wasn't one for frills and lace. She liked some dolls, a few girly toys, but she was more into reading and drawing than anything else. Her drawings littered the walls, and her books were everywhere. She stepped in, sitting down on her bed, smelling her daughter's shampoo on her pillow.

Soon after vacating her oldest child's room, she found herself in Delaney's room. Delaney's room was as girly as they came. Pink and purple as far as the eye could see. She liked pretty things, and she knew just who would give them to her. Derek was a sucker for his youngest. He couldn't go anywhere without coming home with some sort of cutesy doll. They were all over. Dolls littered the floor and the bed. Meredith bent down, retrieving one. The girl loved her baby dolls. She held it to her chest for a moment, imitating her youngest child's grip on the doll.

She laid the baby on the bed and slowly walked out. The nursery was right across the hall. The door was closed. She braced herself, closed her eyes, counted to ten and opened the door.

Everything was gone.

She froze.

OK so a bit of a cliff hanger, but you know me….


	18. Love is a Battlefield

Faithfully

Chapter 18: Love is a Battlefield

Derek was standing at the bottom of the stairs, poised to go up. It was much too quiet for his liking.

He slowly moved up the stairs, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

He came to the top and saw her form. She was standing in the door of the nursery, staring. _Uh oh…_

He took a few tentative steps forward. "Mere?" He asked, his voice low and full of concern.

She turned to face him, her face red, her eyes dark with anger. "You did this. You got rid of all of it, didn't you? How could you?" She exclaimed, her voice rising as she continued to talk.

He put his hands up in defense, attempting to explain. "I was just trying to help. I put the spare room furniture in there because the psychologist said it would be for the best…" He trailed off, praying to God that he'd made the right call.

"Psychologist??? I'm sad, not crazy!!! I don't need a psychologist!!" She said angrily, taking a few brisk steps toward him.

"Mere, I was only trying to help you… I'm just trying to make things easier on you." He whispered, wanting so badly to make things right. He reached out to touch her, but she jerked away.

"I LOST MY BABY!! DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I'LL FORGET IF YOU THROW OUT IT ALL OUT?? THAT IT'LL BE LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED?!!?" She shrieked, angry tears spurting out of her eyes. She gestured wildly with her hands, her moves frantic and spastic.

"Of course not! I don't expect you to forget! I just want to make things better!!" He implored, his tone begging her to understand. His own eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

"You can't!! You can't fix it! You can't make it better!! My baby's gone and there is NOTHING you can do or say to change that!!" She hissed and turned on her heel and headed towards their room.

She'd just about reached their bedroom when his words stopped her in her tracks.

"I lost a baby too, you know." He reminded her, his voice low and quiet.

She whirled to face him, shocked that he'd actually even think of speaking at this point.

She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.

"Don't stand there and look at me like that Meredith. You know what I mean. He was just as much my child as yours. I'm hurting too. And not only have I lost my son… I almost lost you too." He whispered, taking another step towards her, hoping she'd let him touch her now.

She was frozen. She tried to convince her feet to move but they weren't listening. He moved closer, his hand on her arm now.

"Please Mere… I feel like this is all my fault… I've been torturing the hell out of myself this whole time…. Just pease…. Let me in." He begged, wanting nothing more than to pull her into his arms and just hold her.

She took him in, he was now standing directly in front of her. And as much as she knew she shouldn't say it, she was unable to stop herself. She shook his hand off of her arm and stood up straight, lifting her angry eyes to his sad, pleading ones.

"Well… It's really not my fault Derek. None of this would have happened if you would have been honest with me." She told him, her tone icy and harsh. Her eyes were squinted in an angry glare and it was blatantly obvious that she was out to hurt him.

_Mission accomplished._ He admitted to himself as a single tear rolled down his face.

He looked like he'd just been hit in the face. "Mere… Come on… Don't say that…. That's not fair…" He choked out, unable to believe that she was putting all the blame on him.

"I'll just get my things and sleep in the 'guest room'." She replied coolly, turning from his crying eyes, mostly because a moment more of it and she'd lose it herself.

She marched into the room and grabbed the bags she'd dropped earlier. She turned and strode right past him. "I want the girls back tonight." She snapped at him as she went by.

A moment later, the door to the former nursery and current spare bedroom, slammed shut.

He sighed and slowly slid down the wall of the hall, coming to rest his hands on his knees and his head bowed, resting in his palms.

Meredith slammed the door shut and tossed her bags in the corner. This was probably the last place she should be sleeping. She looked around. It really was like the baby had never existed.

She felt her hand wonder to her stomach, which was now flat, mostly due to her lack of eating. Where it had once felt warm and alive it now just felt empty, cold and hollow.

She made the two steps to the bed and collapsed onto the bed, hating how it all felt so cold and unfamiliar.

She curled her body around the pillow and wept into it, the material absorbing her salty tears.

She wept for her child….

She wept for her girls…

She wept for herself….

But mostly, she wept for the loneliness that was now invading her heart.

So I know it's short but it was a good stopping place. REVIEW.


	19. Tryin' To Find a Reason To Stay

Faithfully

Chapter 19: Tryin' to Find a Reason

Derek picked up the girls from Burke and Cristina's. "Are you OK?" Burke asked, drawing him away from the girls as Cristina got the girls ready to leave.

Derek ran a hand up and down his face, shaking his head grimly. "She's really mad about what I did to the nursery. She's sleeping in there now." He reported.

"That can't be good." Burke replied, concern crossing his face.

"It's not. But I don't know what to do." Derek told his friend, desperation creeping into his voice.

"Maybe having the girls back will help." Burke said at last.

"I can only hope. Thanks for everything." Derek replied, his eyes bleary and tired.

"C'mon girls, time to go home." He told her the girls, herding them to the girls.

He buckled them into their car seats and started the drive home.

"Daddy?" Emery called from the back seat.

"Yes Emmy?" He returned, briefly turning his eyes to the backseat. His breath caught in his throat. Sometimes it caught him off guard, how much she looked like her mother. It was startling sometimes.

"Is mommy better?" She asked, her voice small and uncertain, an unusual characteristic for his oldest daughter.

"She will be baby, I promise." He whispered, reaching back to squeeze Emery's leg.

10 minutes later they pulled into the drive. He quickly unbuckled the girls and grabbed their bag. They followed him into the house and up the stairs.

In the time he'd been gone, Meredith had collected herself and was now straightening the girls playroom.

"Mommy!" Emery screeched, running to her mom. Meredith wrapped arms around her oldest daughter, her eyes closing at the feeling of the small child wrapped around her neck.

Derek set Delaney down and she toddled over to her mom, arms outstretched. Meredith pulled her younger child into the embrace, holding onto them as if they were keeping her alive.

And for the first time, he was beginning to think they were.

Derek turned and stepped out of the room, allowing them to have their privacy.

He stood outside the door, against the wall, just listening, taking comfort in the soothing sound of her voice as she talked to the girls.

"Mommy? Where's my brother?" Emery asked, clearly confused as to why her mommy was home but her brother was not.

Meredith felt her heart drop a little at the innocent question. "Your brother… He's… He can't be here with us." Meredith replied, not knowing what else to say, feeling like it was the right response.

"Why?" Emery persisted, her big eyes peering into her mother's matching eyes.

Derek stood outside the door, doing his best to hold his emotion back. He fought the urge to run in there and make it all better but clearly, she wanted to do this her way, and the last thing he wanted to do was make this any worse than it clearly already was.

"He… He wasn't strong enough baby. He wasn't strong enough to come live here with us." She fumbled, still feeling like this wasn't good enough.

"Why not?" Emery questioned, not understanding why she couldn't see her brother.

"He went to be with Grandma Shepherd. Grandma's going to take care of him, OK? You'll get to see him someday, I promise." Meredith told the young girl, at last feeling like she'd given a real answer.

"I wanna see him now." Emery protested, her eyes filled with tears.

Derek heard the catch in his oldest daughter's voice. She wasn't happy with what she was hearing. It took everything he had to keep from going in there and scooping them all in his arms, wanting nothing more than to make it all right.

"You can't right now sweetie. He's not here. He's gone." Meredith's words caught in her throat, the sob rising up made it hard to speak.

Emery reached up to her mother's face, touching the tears that were now freely flowing down Meredith's face.

"Don't cry mommy." The little girl told her mother, her voice barely above a whisper.

It was barely loud enough for Derek to hear. Barely. It was enough to break his heart though. _God, what kind of parents are we that our kids comfort us???_

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear her come to the door until it was too late. "I'll get you juice." She said to the girls and stepped out of the room, coming face to face with Derek.

He opened his mouth but she shook her head. "Don't." She told him, her voice soft but strong.

"Mere… We can't do this forever… It's killing me… It's killing us…" He trailed off, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"I need time Derek. Just… Just give me that…." She whispered, her voice catching as she stifled a sob. She quickly turned and headed downstairs.

He pushed off the wall several moments later and headed into the master bedroom. He stood there for a moment, listening to the girls, debating whether or not to leave the door open. _What does it matter? She wants nothing to do with me anyways._

With that thought in mind, he sighed and softly shut the door.

After a long crying jag, she finally pulled it together. "Girls, it's bed time." Meredith managed to choke out, interrupting the very quiet Barbie session going on in the corner.

The girls seemed to understand that it wasn't a good time to argue. They both got up and waited by the gated door for their mom.

Twenty minutes later, teeth were brushed, pajamas were on, stories were read, and the girls were tucked. The routine had felt good to Meredith, she'd needed it more than she realized.

She quietly shut Emery's door and glanced down the hall. The door to their bedroom, or what had been their bedroom, was shut. It was a little shocking, they'd never shut their door before… Not unless they were… But that obviously wasn't happening.

She slowly approached the door, as she'd have to walk by to get to the "guest" room.

She willed herself not to stop at the door, but it was as if her body was on autopilot. She came to a stop in front of it. She leaned in, almost hoping for some sort of noise, signal… For what, she didn't know.

But there was nothing. She reached out and placed a hand on the door, her palm flat against the wood. Her head down, she let the last of her leftover tears trickle down her face.

_God, what a mess this all is…_

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	20. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Faithfully

Chapter 20: I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Days passed…. They turned into weeks. Derek barely saw Meredith. When he did, she was always with the girls. And if the girls weren't around, Meredith was shut up in the "guest room".

The first few weeks he tried to speak to her. He'd sit outside her bedroom door and just talk. She never said anything back.

After that, he gave up. They just stopped speaking entirely.

It was slowly driving him insane. All he wanted was the real Meredith back, the woman he loved, the woman he'd traveled all the way across the country for, that he'd gone back to a city he'd hated for. He wanted that woman back.

She hadn't even thought about going back to work yet. He was picking up more shifts at the hospital, sleeping in the on call rooms when he could.

He rolled out of the lower bunk in the on call room and ran his hands through his hair in a hopeless attempt to fix his hair.

He straightened his scrubs and grabbed his coat off the rack. He grabbed the door handle only to have it turned for him and Cristina appeared on the other side.

"Cristina. Hi." He mumbled, knowing he was probably about to get yelled at.

She took him in, her eyes traveling across his sleep deprived face, his slept in scrubs, and his unshaven jaw.

"You look like crap. You smell too." She told him as she sniffed him.

"Thanks." He replied tiredly.

"You should go home Derek. Take a shower. Eat. Wash your scrubs. See your kids. Talk to Meredith." She said.

"I'm right in the middle of a shift." He reminded her.

"Not anymore you're not." Another voice said.

Derek turned and found himself face to face with Chief Weber.

"Chief, I have a job to do-" He started to protest.

"Right now, your family is your job. Go do it. Don't come back here until it's straightened out." Weber told him, his face stern and unwavering.

He turned back to Cristina. "You told the Chief on me?" He asked, slightly shocked at her tactics.

"I play dirty Shepherd, you know that." She pointed out.

Derek turned back to the older man, defeated. He nodded.

Twenty minutes later, he'd collected his things and was on his way home.

All too soon he was pulling into the drive of their home. Or rather, what used to be their home. It was just a shell where they all lived now.

He strode in side, fully expecting to hear the sounds of his children playing but the house was silent. Eerily silent.

He put his stuff down on the couch and walked into the kitchen. He found a note sitting on the counter.

Kids are with Izzie.

I'm sorry Derek, I'm really sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I tried. But I can't try anymore.I just can't. I love you.

Tell the girls I love them.

Mere

He dropped the note, his blood running cold. This could only mean one of two things. Either she left him…. _How could that be? Her car is still here…_

That could only mean one thing.

He dropped the note and took the stairs two at a time. He raced down the hall to her room. He tried to open the door but it was locked.

"MEREDITH!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled through the door. She didn't answer.

He backed up and threw himself against the door hard. It rattled but held. He backed up and gave it everything he could and it crashed open,

Meredith was laying on the bed, out cold.

His eyes landed on the pill bottle next to the bed. He recognized it as the sleeping pills she'd been prescribed. It was empty.

In two steps he was at her side, feeling for a pulse.

He flipped open his phone and dialed 911.

"This is Dr. Derek Shepherd! I need an ambulance at 594 Kingston. NOW! My fiancé swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills and I can't get a pulse!!!!"

He slammed the phone shut and turned back to the woman he loved. "C'mon Mere… You can't do this. You can't just leave, us, the girls… No, Mere, I can't do this. I can't lose you!" He whispered hoarsely as he started CPR.

I know it's a bit dramatic and you're waiting for everything to get better. Please, keep reading and I promise you'll like what you see.

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	21. You Can Let Go

Faithfully

Chapter 21: You Can Let Go

It had been two weeks since Meredith's suicide attempt. She was about to be released from the hospital.

_Flashback_

_Richard Weber came striding through the double doors a week after Meredith had been admitted. He'd fully expected Derek to jump to his feet and bombard him with various questions, just as he'd done the last few days._

_  
Instead, the younger man just sat in the uncomfortable chair in the waiting room, his eyes heavy, his arms folded in front of him. His eyes met Richard's but they didn't change, he didn't react._

_Richard slowed his gait and made his way over to the bedraggled man. He took the seat next to Derek and sat with him for several moments before speaking._

"_She's going to be alright." He told Derek, his voice low as he kept his gaze straight ahead._

"_Good." Derek choked out, not really sure of what else to say._

"_You're going to pull through this." The chief said, his words strong and full of confidence, it was a command, not an observation._

"_I don't think I can. I thought I was doing everything right, I was trying so hard to give her what she needed and she tried to kill herself. Richard, I don't have anything left."_

_Richard turned his eyes to the man next to him. "Well, you're just going to have to find more, because she needs you."_

"_She doesn't. I thought she did but she barely spoke to me when she came home. She doesn't need me anymore All she needs are the girls." Derek replied unhappily._

"_That's odd, if all she needs are the girls, then why did she ask me to send you in?" Richard questioned._

_For the first time, Derek reacted. She'd never, throughout this whole ordeal, asked for him. He sat up in his chair and his eyes flew to the chief. The older man saw hope for the first time in Derek Shepherd's eyes._

_Derek got to his feet and fought the urge to run. He fought the urge to let his hopes rise, lest this just be some horrible argument._

_He found himself outside her door, feeling more than a little anxious about what was about to happen._

_He steeled himself and pushed through the door._

_Meredith turned her blue eyes to his the moment he stepped into sight. She offered him the smallest of smiles and he felt his heart beat just a little bit faster._

"_Hi." She whispered._

_  
"Hey." He replied, taking a few cautious steps into the room. She saw his behavior and gestured for him to finish his journey and take a seat next to the bed._

_He did as she requested._

_For several long moments, they were silent. This was the closest they'd been, physically and emotionally, in a long time._

_  
"I'm sorry Derek." She said at last, reaching out and covering her hand with his._

_He lifted his eyes to hers and nodded. "I don't know what happened. Everything just got out of control so fast. I should have… I didn't… I wish… I didn't handle things so well, did I?" She finally managed, her voice full of tears._

"_You did the best you could." He replied, squeezing her hand tightly._

"_I didn't Derek. I could have tried harder. But… I stopped caring. I didn't want to die Derek. I didn't want to leave the girls, and as it was all happening I realized… I didn't want to leave you either. Please tell me there's still hope Derek." _

_His eyes were filled with tears now._

"_There's still hope… Of course there's still hope. As lost as I felt, I couldn't just walk away. I need you, and I thought I was going to have to go on without you." He confessed, his voice full of emotion._

"_Chief says say I have to stay another week and agree to take some time off, see a counselor, but I can go home next week. I thought maybe we could move my stuff out of the guest room and into our room?" She suggested, her voice soft but hopeful._

_He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It'll be moved before you get back."_

_END FLASHBACK_

He'd kept his word and moved all of her stuff back to his-their room. Izzie had just called and she was on her way to the house with Meredith.

As if on cue, he heard the car pull up. He strode down the hall, poking his head in the playroom to check on the girls. They were as content as ever.

He took the stairs two at a time and there she was. She'd just walked in the front door and Izzie was clutching her suitcase.

Meredith and Derek just watched each other for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

"OK well, I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." Izzie blurted out a moment later, before dropping the case and bolting out the door.

She smiled softly at him. "It's good to be home." She ventured quietly as she picked up her suitcase and started up the stairs.

"I'm glad you feel that way. The girls missed you. I missed you." He told her honestly.

She glanced in the playroom and saw the girls. They were wrapped up in their own little world and didn't even notice her.

"Don't you want to say hi?" He whispered.

"In a minute." She replied as she turned around and headed to their room.

She threw open the door and stepped in. The familiar smells and feelings washed over her. It felt good to be back in this room. It felt like she belonged there.

She set her suitcase down an d turned to face him.

"I was thinking… The spare room? Maybe we could change it back to a nursery?" She suggested.

His heart skipped a beat and he waited for her to get upset. _I can't go through this again…_

"I don't mean right now or anything. Maybe someday, after we get married." She finished, seeing the frightened look appear in Derek's eyes.

"You… You still want to marry me?" He questioned, floored by her words. He hadn't expected that at all.

"I do. And I know it's a ways down the road for me, and in more ways than one, but I'd like to consider… Trying again." She said, hoping he knew what she meant.

And he did. And he didn't need to tell her in words. He quickly closed the space between them and brought his lips down on hers, wrapping his arms around her waist.

There was no way he was letting go this time.

FINIS!


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